�খন জয়টি ভাঙল

আমার ফোনটি 3টার পরে ‘ক্রশ’। $2,000—একটি live baccarat-এ।হৃদয়কম্পন।

কিন্তু…আমি silent-এইভাবে sitting.

জয়টা? No. The real win was realizing how silent joy feels after a big win.

When Winning Feels Like Losing

আমি thought success = control. But years as player and mental health advocate taught me:

• Adrenaline → brief high → sudden emptiness.
• Thrill fades faster than memory of last win.
• Then: Why did I play?

Not addiction. Meaning. We don’t gamble for money—we gamble for feeling. For purpose. For proof we exist beyond daily grind.

The Ritual That Got Me Here

I started to connect—not escape. As someone between Silicon Valley logic and Asian restraint, games became my safe space to feel without judgment. But it shifted… Now every win feels like performance—to myself or invisible audience. And anxiety lives not in losing—but in winning too well.

What My Mind Taught Me About ‘Success’

The dopamine spike from wins is short-lived but powerful enough to reinforce behavior—even if no real gain follows (Source: Nature Neuroscience). So I changed:

• Track how I feel before/after each session.
• No more “one more hand”—pause when tension builds.
• Play only when emotionally available—not lonely or stressed.
• Celebrate effort over outcome. You don’t need luck to be worthy of peace. You just need presence.

A New Kind of Victory?

The true win isn’t on the board—it’s choosing not to play when you’re not okay with yourself. The game doesn’t have to be fun for it to be meaningful—and sometimes meaning comes from walking away quietly rather than shouting “I won!”

You Are Not Broken for Feeling This Way

Every time you scroll through endless rounds, every time your finger hovers over “bet” while your heart races, it’s not weakness—it’s humanity trying to find its center through motion, throgh noise, through fire and light and numbers that mean nothing… yet everything at once. take this truth: it’s okay not to want more right now. it’s okay if today’s win feels like silence instead of celebration.