Are You Playing — Or Just Escaping?

I used to sit in my Chicago apartment late at night, phone glowing under dim light, spinning through online games like a compass without direction. Not for money. Not even for fun.

Just to feel something—anything—besides the silence inside.

That’s when I realized: I wasn’t playing games. I was running from myself.

The Ritual That Changed Everything

It started with a simple question: What if I played just to be present?

No strategy. No goal. No need to win.

I began with one rule: only one game per night. Twenty minutes max. And no betting more than what I’d spend on coffee.

At first, it felt silly. Like pretending to meditate while watching rain fall outside. But slowly… something shifted.

The sound of cards shuffling became a heartbeat. The screen’s glow turned into soft light—like candlelight at a quiet dinner. And my breath? It slowed down too.

When Games Became Meditation

I didn’t know it then, but what I was doing was mindfulness disguised as play—a concept backed by research: structured repetition can anchor attention, reduce rumination, and even ease anxiety symptoms (APA Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2021).

Games aren’t inherently dangerous—or healing. They’re mirrors.

If you’re using them to escape pain? That’s okay—for now. But if you can pause… just once… and ask:

Am I playing because I want to? Or because I’m afraid to stop?

That question changed everything for me. It wasn’t about winning big or beating odds—it was about reclaiming agency over my own mind.

From Chaos to Calm: My Three Shifts – One Game at a Time –

title=“From Chaos to Calm” The shift didn’t happen overnight—but here are three turning points that rewired my relationship with play:

• I stopped tracking losses as ‘failures.’ Instead of thinking “I lost $50,” I asked: “Did today help me feel more grounded?” The answer mattered more than any number on screen. title=“Ritual Over Reward” The second shift came when I created tiny rituals before each session: a warm drink, a few deep breaths, a moment of stillness before touching the screen—like bowing before entering sacred space. title=“Community as Compass” The third change was joining small online communities—not for tips or tricks—but for stories that reminded me: others were also learning how to play gently, together, in peace. t t t t t t t t t tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt t t s s s s s s s ss ss ss ss ss ss ss ss ss st st st st st st st sts sts sts sts sts sts sts sts sts sts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts tts tts tts tts tts tts tts tts tts tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst dst dst dst dst dst dst dst dst dts dts dts dts dtst dtst dtst dtst dtst dtst dtst dtst dtst dtst 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 GGGG HHI J KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT U UU V VV W WW X XX Y YY Z ZZ A AA B BB C CC D DD E EE F FF G GG H HH I II J JJ K KK L LL M MM N NN O OO P PP Q QQ R RR S SS T TT uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss ttt uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss ttt uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss ttt uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss ttt uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss ttt uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss ttt uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss ttt uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss ttt uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss ttt uuu vvv www xxx yyy zzz aaa bbb ccc ddd eee fff ggg hhh iii jjj kkk lll mmm nnn ooo ppp qqq rrr sss